Monday, 21 March 2016

Your Story My Inspiration : 40yrs Of Pain & Rejection

I was born in a comfortable family, we didn't have all but we didn't lack the basics. Born into a family of 11, being the second daughter, fourth child of my father but the third from my mother. My father was married and lost his 1st wife before my mother was betrothed to my father.
We lived in Ibadan, i was still very little when my father lost his job, my mum was a petty trader and had to take up the responsibility of the family. 
Food became precious germs as we couldn't feed properly anymore, clothing was luxury. My father decided to go to Lagos so he could get another job and we were excited cos he promised we would visit during holiday.
To cut my long story short, everything turned to a nightmare, my father got a new wife who didn't want to see us, my mother couldn't continue so we had to drop out of school, my elder sister became pregnant and my mum had to take care of the baby as well.
My mum visited Lagos to speak with my dad and in the evening, she decided to step out for fresh air with her grandchild she carries everywhere she goes. They were out playing n when it became dark, she decided to go back into the house but was locked, she knocked for several hrs but no one answered, they slept out for 2 nights without change of clothes(neighbours gave them food). She begged for money n returned back to Ibadan.
I came to Lagos to start staying with my cousins, and i met my husband, got pregnant and was happy to be off my mother's worries since she had 4 others to worry about. On my wedding night, my husband couldn't send a car to come pick me even with my pregnancy, i took public transport and when i got to my new home, another heart ache.
We have 3 kids and i cant count the no of times my mother has knelt down begging my husband not to send me out, majority of my offence was me complaining about him bringing his mistresses into our home.
I am a grandma now, and my husband and i are separated. Can say in my 60yrs in this world, have only been happy for 20yrs, which i doubt it's up to that. I might have thought my getting married would bring me joy, or my husband would complete me and my pregnancy was a fast one to hook him, etc.
He never really truly loved me, he liked me no doubt but wasn't love, he didn't think i was in is class, me coming from a dysfunctional home, with 'NO' self esteem, not educated, etc. Yes we had 3 children but he was begged to impregnate me, my mother said it was better to have all the children you want from one man rather than several men, and moreover, where will i go if i leave, she kept saying to me, "just hang in there, you have younger ones to cater for, we have no place to go and remember you don't have a father".

Her Advise:
Learn a skill, get a job, use your hobbies or talent to empower your self.

Pregnancy is Never a good way to make a man marry you, men hate to be choked, they want things done at their own time.

Get close to your children and other siblings, they know you and your story and would know how to encourage you, good friends are hard to find, so they might judge you, be careful.

A good man is hard to find,but not with God and your head.  Don't get deceived when they say it didn't use to happen in their time.

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